Life hacks for people who want to appear like they have their shit together.

I don’t know about you but sometimes I feel like I’m still waiting to be a real adult, like there are parts of me that still live in that awkward teen phase. For example; no matter how hard I try my hair always looks messy, I always miss at high fives, half the things I own are broken and don’t even get me started on spilling food on myself.

I figure we are all a little like this so I compiled a list of life hacks that will help us all feel a little more like we have our shit together. Cuz you know – being able to fix things, organise things and not look like an idiot every so often totally makes me feel like a real adult. It would be rude not to share. Also, I do want this to be an interactive list so if you could help me in my life goals by adding your hacks in the comments section, that would be rad. Thanks a bunch.

1) When someone goes to high 5 you, look at their elbow instead of their hand and you will never miss.

2) If your high chair table is covered in dry Wheatbix that has set harder than concrete (totally never happened to me but I have heard) just put a wet tea towel on it and leave it there for an hour then wipe it off. This works for all sorts of caked on food.

3) Use this trick to fold cardboard perfectly without mangling it.

4) When you are making a cuppa, lift the tea bag out of the tea (but so it is still in the cup) and swing it like a pendulum, hitting both sides of the cup three times and it won’t drip on its way to the bin. Like at all.

5) If you have a battery powered toy and the spring has either lost its spring or rusted out, just shove a bit of aluminium foil in it to conduct the power and it will be magically fixed. Also, apparently you can use this trick to turn a AAA into an AA. Haven’t tried that one though.

6) To figure out what your family budget is, just add together all the fixed yearly expenses like mortgage, car insurance, daycare, weekly food bill, Foxtel, electricity etc and then divide that (huge) number by 52. This is your weekly budget. Put that much money into an account every week (offsetting you mortgage preferably) and direct debit all of those bills out of that account. Now set up a transfer to pay your food/petrol/spending allocation into a separate account each week. If you can’t meet the budget one week, just make a note and put more in next week. If you still can’t do it then you’re living beyond your means so stop.

The above tip actually should be in a post titled ‘How To For-Real Have Your Shit Together.’

7) Make the perfect cupcake every time with this filling and icing trick.

8) Actually, just learn all these baking tips and you will never turn up to a BBQ with crappy baked goods again.

9) Paper strapping tape (like the medical stuff) can be used to hem pants, just fold and stick. It will even go through the washing and not come off.

10) Chuck a thank you card in each lolly bag for your kid’s birthday parties, then your work is done as the last kid walks out the door, and you get to successfully be a thank-you card person.

11) Memorise these commonly misspelled words, I’m not a grammar snob, I often get things wrong (you would know, you guys read my blog) but these few words are easy to remember and they will definitely help you seem totally legit.

12) If someone texts to say they are popping over in 20 and your house looks like a crack den, attack it prioritising from the least-to-most socially acceptable crap to have on the floor. Use this magic order; rubbish, dirty crockery, laundry, books and toys. So sweep the whole house to collect rubbish first, next dump dirty cups and plates in the sink or dishwasher, now put all the random laundry in the house in the basket and finish with toys and books. If you want to look like you really have it together swap ‘picking up toys and books’ for making beds and wiping down benches, sinks and tables with a wet wipe. No matter when in the process they turn up, you have prioritised well.

13) Cut your toenails and buy new socks.